Let me preface this post by saying that I don’t mean to cause any offense. It’s a big world, and everybody is free to enjoy their books any way they want.
There – I’ve got that out of the way. Let me come out with it. I don’t like book clubs.
I can’t even tell you why that is. I love books. I love talking about books. And I’d certainly love the idea of people discussing any of my books. But when it comes to book clubs, it seems like there’s an invisible line drawn in my mind.
Maybe it’s because it reeks so much of the way books were discussed at school. It makes me think of being back in class talking about things I’m not interested in regarding books I never wanted to read. Ok, maybe that’s overdoing things a bit, but there’s something about the formality of it all that doesn’t work for me. It seems kind of forced and artificial when, to me, reading a book is one of the great informal joys, where you can just sit back and lose yourself.
One thing that especially irritates me about the whole book club thing is now you’re starting to see books actually have a list of potential questions for discussion in a book club. I don’t like this at all. It’s like as a reader, you’re told what you should be getting out of reading, when to me, reading a book is an intensely individual and personal experience. It also seems patronising to readers – like they can’t figure out what’s important about a book.
Anyway, as the cliché says, if you can’t beat them, join them. And besides, my natural response to anything I don’t like is to make fun of it. So, with that spirit in mind, here are 10 questions (mostly) about Magnus Opum which I’m sure no book club is ever going to consider discussing:
- Is there a causal relationship between excessive consumption of pflugberries and reported cases of the Grompets?
- What is the significance of the minor key chord progressions favoured by Cherine song writers?
- What impact do Doosie nasal infections have on regular news transmission?
- Is there anything the Great Oponium doesn’t know, and are you a complete idiot for even considering the question?
- Discuss the aesthetic of the Pharseeth, in a loud sing-song voice, while standing on your head and balancing a ball on your knee.
- If you were ever to be captured by the Blerchherchh, would you rather by marinated in a red wine sauce or seared, steamed and served in dumplings?
- Would you classify the bodily fluids of a Glurg as offensive weapons?
- Whose borse does have the least lean?
- A Gleeprog, a Shabandor, and a Klunkarian walk into a bar. What happens next?
- The seldom seen diperagoff – discuss.
So there you go. Once again, I hope I haven’t caused any offense. If you’re a book club sort of person, good luck to you. As a writer, any kind of reader is ok by me. Just don’t expect to see me at the next meeting.
Cheers and thanks for having me.
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