Thank you to David M. Brown for joining us today with a character guest post from Bilbo. Bilbo is not so much a character as a real cat but sometimes David likes to pretend they are ‘characters’ so he can sleep a little easier at night. David is here as part of the Raining Cats and Dogs tour. Follow along on Twitter with the #petsontour hashtag.
Character Guest Post: Bilbo, one of the cats featured in Man vs Cat
Hello TIE Universe. It’s wonderful to be here. I’d love to hug all of you but Frizzy Hair has said I need to share some thoughts with you for this tour. What she really means is that the hugs are for her and her alone. I’m okay with that.
It is really nice to be here. Frizzy Hair tells me it’s a warm community and that her friend, Coral, is just awesome sauce. Beard Face tells me it’s a warm community and that his associate, Coral, is the Texan Viper. I don’t know what a Texan Viper is myself but it sounds nice.
My name is Bilbo by the way. My brother, Frodo, tells me that we have nothing to do with the characters from The Lord of the Rings trilogy but they have hairy feet and we have hairy feet, so I’m struggling to see how we are not related. In fact, when I saw the films I was certain we are one and the same but I don’t remember the Shire or those Quack Riders. Away from my brother, I only have time for Frizzy Hair because she gives the best cuddles. I love her so, so much and being here, seeing that she’s built this website in celebration of three letters from the alphabet, well, I’m just speechless really.
I understand my other owner, Beard Face, lurks around here somewhere. He’s not the nicest of characters is that Beard Face and he gives bad hugs as well. It’s more like being restrained by the local law enforcement than a warm embrace with him. Me and the other five cats all tolerate him because he feeds us, cleans up after us and generally does a lot of the disgusting work that none of us want Frizzy Hair to do because she is too nice and too busy looking after the three letters – TIE.
Sorry, Frizzy Hair. She’s just told me to go easy on the compliments and get to the point of this guest post. I’ve been informed that Beard Face has managed to write a book about us. Given that he’s always cleaning litter trays and feeding us I was worried he might have been writing words on the walls with our food but apparently he’s been using a device called a laptop. I’ve seen them before but I just thought they grew out of human legs whenever they wanted them to. I didn’t realise they were separate. I’ve made similar mistakes in the past with mobile phones and hats.
In Man vs Cat Beard Face has written about how the six of us have ruined his life, taken away his sense of self-worth and made his everyday a living hell. In summary, it has to be a comedy. Is that enough Frizzy Hair? I don’t know what else to say. Can I mention the Carpet People? No. I understand, not after what happened last time. I know. You and Beard Face haven’t been allowed back in that restaurant since then, have you?
In recent years these feline things have replaced man’s best friend as the most popular pet in the U.S. while the Ancient Egyptians once worshipped them as gods. This was a mistake and I’m here to tell you why.
Man vs Cat is the story of one man, one woman and the six cats that changed their lives forever. To the woman they brought love and affection, to the man they brought sleepless nights, fear, paranoia and even ruined his jigsaw. Need I say more?Amazon USAmazon UKSmashwordsB&NKoboiBooks
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